a prayer of thanksgiving.

Dear Jesus,

I like to be in control of my life.
I like to do what I want to do.
I like to fix things immediately.

I can't let go of things easily.

Often times, what I want for myself goes
against Your will. I often pretend

that my desires are Your will.

I often think that because I want something, you must want it for me as well.

I want constant appeasement.
instant gratification.
perfection in the order and events in my life.

And sometimes, because I don't want what you want for me, I wonder if you really are going to give me

those things that I desire so much.

Look at the caterpillar. He is an ugly insect to begin with,

but goes into a cocoon

and comes out a perfect, beautiful creation.

I'm still in that cocoon. I'm poking my head out prematurely, trying to live as a butterfly
when I'm not. Not yet.

Show me you're real, God, so I know that Your will exists for me, and that I'm not giving up on all these things just because I think it's Your will.

Sometimes I think that.

It's thanksgiving, God, and I can't find anything to be thankful about. I'm stressed, I'm frustrated, I'm terribly depressed. Show me you're real. Show me Your will for me.

I look outside and it's snowing. I stare into the blizzard and hear my family laughing. I hear the sound of electric heaters, the dog walking around, the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade playing on TV.

and for the first time in my life I realize that there are walls around my house. There is a heater that's warming my feet. There is a light illuminating my desk. There's a roof over my head. There are clothes on my body. There is no wind.

The world is a calm, quiet, snowing bliss.

And you say to me, Jon. Look at the snow. I gave you this today, on Thanksgiving Day. Did you know, Jon, that the world has to be ready for snow before I give it? I keep this beauty and holiday bliss from you all year until Christmas draws near, and I unleash it to bring you inner joy and peace. Understand that just because what I have planned for you is not what you want for yourself right now, even you don't know what's best. You're not ready for the beauty yet. But it's coming. And it will be truly awesome.

It will bring you inner joy and peace.

Happy Thanksgiving, God. I love you.