Monday, December 20, 2010

contrast

There's this movie called "Up In The Air" starring George Clooney.

In it there's this middle-aged, single, independent guy named Ryan Bingham.

Ryan Bingham works as professional sacker. That's right. He works full-time as a person who flies all over the country, firing people because their bosses don't have the guts to do it themselves.

And rightfully so, I mean, people can get pretty crazy when they're fired.

Most people would think that the life Ryan lives is fun, filled with adventure, charming. I thought so anyway. The glamour of travel, always being on the road, meeting strangers, living in the moment. He gave talks about living the way he does, saying that the less baggage you have in your backpack, the easier it is.

Baggage as in family, friends, cars, houses.

It all seemed to make so much sense. You get paid well, you're always moving. Nothing weighs you down, you can try whatever you want to. You have no obligations. You're not tied down. When I watched that movie I wanted that so much.

You're a free, wealthy, independent man who's job it is to see the world. What could be better, right?

Nothing.

Except a family. People whose eyes light up every time they see you. A house to come home to. A significant other who can't get enough of you. Brothers and sisters who you could trust to die for you. Children who, when you burst through the front door can't voice how excited they are to see daddy come home that they can only squeal and wave their little hands wildly in the air.

Being home for Christmas. Sitting by a fire together because the heater is broken. Staring into space with your loved ones around you, enjoying life. Just taking it in.

Taking it in. Just. Take. It. In. The best moments in your life. Were they spent alone?

See Mr. Bingham, this is where you're wrong. You had me going with the whole individuality deal, but nothing. Not even money, travel, fast-lane living, solitude, or lack of obligation can create this kind of feeling in me.

Because right now, me, a teenager less than a week from Christmas, I can honestly say that I am truly, unconditionally, unshakably happy.

Merry Christmas. I can't say it enough.

Merry, merry, merry Christmas.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

a prayer of thanksgiving.

Dear Jesus,

I like to be in control of my life.
I like to do what I want to do.
I like to fix things immediately.

I can't let go of things easily.

Often times, what I want for myself goes
against Your will. I often pretend

that my desires are Your will.

I often think that because I want something, you must want it for me as well.

I want constant appeasement.
instant gratification.
perfection in the order and events in my life.

And sometimes, because I don't want what you want for me, I wonder if you really are going to give me

those things that I desire so much.

Look at the caterpillar. He is an ugly insect to begin with,

but goes into a cocoon

and comes out a perfect, beautiful creation.

I'm still in that cocoon. I'm poking my head out prematurely, trying to live as a butterfly
when I'm not. Not yet.

Show me you're real, God, so I know that Your will exists for me, and that I'm not giving up on all these things just because I think it's Your will.

Sometimes I think that.

It's thanksgiving, God, and I can't find anything to be thankful about. I'm stressed, I'm frustrated, I'm terribly depressed. Show me you're real. Show me Your will for me.

I look outside and it's snowing. I stare into the blizzard and hear my family laughing. I hear the sound of electric heaters, the dog walking around, the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade playing on TV.

and for the first time in my life I realize that there are walls around my house. There is a heater that's warming my feet. There is a light illuminating my desk. There's a roof over my head. There are clothes on my body. There is no wind.

The world is a calm, quiet, snowing bliss.

And you say to me, Jon. Look at the snow. I gave you this today, on Thanksgiving Day. Did you know, Jon, that the world has to be ready for snow before I give it? I keep this beauty and holiday bliss from you all year until Christmas draws near, and I unleash it to bring you inner joy and peace. Understand that just because what I have planned for you is not what you want for yourself right now, even you don't know what's best. You're not ready for the beauty yet. But it's coming. And it will be truly awesome.

It will bring you inner joy and peace.

Happy Thanksgiving, God. I love you.

Monday, November 15, 2010

just waiting

Hoo ee. Where to start?

The past few months has not been kind to me. I've had to go through more trouble and frustration. I've had to focus my strength and really work hard to keep my head above the water.

My devos lately have been about the gospel, and what great news it is, and everything. And while that's all really great and awesome to learn about, I found that it's hard to relate to the things that are going on in my life this week.

Like, Jesus loves you. Jesus died for you. I mean, that's really awesome and great and can be used to reach out to others in such powerful ways, but I felt like it wasn't what I needed.

Life has been tough. It's bashed me across the head. It's made me want to tear my hair out. It's made me cry. (Yeah, I do cry. That's just how frustrating it is.) And the more I keep pressing on, the more hope I lose.

Last Friday, my pastor Nathan shared a verse with us from Joshua 1:7, 8. “Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful."

And another verse to add on to God's promise of prospering us and giving us good things, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11.

The words that shot into my mind when he read these verses was, "God, when?"

God, I'm giving it all I've got right now. I'm trying to live your life. I'm trying to be successful and healthy and strong in mind, body and spirit. As of right now, my faith and trust in you is at an all-time high. So when?

When are you going to prosper me?

When am I going to be able to look back on the time I'm having right now, and think to myself that I learned valuable lessons and that with your help I pushed through the difficulty of life right now?

When can I say, "I was drowning, but God pulled me right out of the storm. Now my life is meaningful and inspiring."

God, why are you holding back on me? I mean, I just want to be successful. Is that too much to ask?

I thank and praise God so much that I have a mother like mine.

It was through my mom that I realized I had been missing the point. Who decides what the meaning of "prosperous" or "successful" is?

God.

See, all this time I hadn't thought that by prosperous and successful, the Bible didn't mean that we would live perfect lives and win and succeed at everything. It didn't mean that we would not run into hardship, or fail, or not amount to anything. It didn't mean that we would live the way the world considered good living.

I'll say it again. It didn't mean that we would live the way the world considered "good living."

I'm sitting here praying to God that he'll do His will and at the same time I'm praying that he'll give me a good life. One in which people will consider me successful. That I'll make enough money. That I'll get a smart job. That I'll be able to, as Brother Michael said, "Find my value in letters like P.h.D or M.D. or M.B.A."

Prosperous. Think about it.

Last time I talked about trusting God to give you good gifts. Now I'm talking about trusting God and accepting his plans for us just because he said so.

I have to learn to put away my pride. I have to learn to put away the plans I have for myself to accept the plans God has for me. And whether they are considered prosperous or not in the world doesn't matter. Because God's going to prosper you in the way he believes is the right way for you to prosper and be successful.

Jim Elliot and company. Were they considered prosperous to the world? No. They failed. But were they prosperous? Were they successful, in God's sight?

It's hard. It's really hard. But I have to learn to let God decide what makes me prosperous. I have to surrender it all to him. No holding back. See it was so easy just to say "God take care of it" after reading about God giving good gifts. Now it's time to take a real leap of faith. It's time to get over our worldly obsession and to turn toward eternity. It's the first step in getting closer with God.

God, I give prosperity to you. For your glory. For your glory.

For Your Glory.

Monday, September 20, 2010

prepare yourselves

"The LORD is a warrior."
- Exodus 15:3

"The time has come for me to avenge my people, to ransom them from their oppressors."
- Isaiah 63:4

"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still"
- Exodus 14:14

"I look up to the mountains - does my help come from there? My help comes from the LORD who made the heavens and the earth! He will not let you stumble and fall; the one who watches over you will not sleep."
- Psalm 121:1-3

"We are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rules and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms."
- Ephesians 6:12

" I have given you authority over all the power of the enemy, and you can walk among snakes and scorpions and crush them."
- Luke 10:19

"May your kingdom come soon. May your will be done here on earth, just as it is in heaven."
- Matthew 6:10

armor up, warrior.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

stepping back

Behind my township's elementary school lies a matrix of broken and abandoned buildings. These structures stand alone in complete silence and solitude, windows boarded up and door nailed shut. Except one, but that's not the point.


These buildings stand along a circular road that goes around the whole area, with two ways out that, after a mile or so, join with the main roads.

I was running back along this road, and I came across the circular path that would take me near all of the houses, and while I was running, I couldn't help but observe that area. The broken one way road that held a distinct resemblance to a moat. The quiet, undisturbed weeds and tall, brown grass near the buildings. The wind filling the eerie quiet of the area. But most of all, the lack of wildlife.

I don't believe there's anything supernatural about this place, but for some reason, whenever I've passed through, I've noticed no wildlife. No squirrel running up and down a tree. No rabbit dashing its way through the ferns. No life, except the century-year old trees towering over the buildings, almost as if to guard its history.

These structures, probably built in the 1920s, used to be a mental asylum. It was where people who were insane, and stricken with mental diseases were sent. When you walk through this area, you can almost hear the confused sighs of patients, walking through the manicured lawns and reclining in the benches placed around the circular road. The anxious cries of family members worried about their loved ones, and the silent tears of frustration and disappointment shed by the doctors and nurses who couldn't help.

But most of all, the thing that hung most heavy in the air was the pain of confusion. Why was this happening to their loved one? Their mother? Their father? Sister? Brother? Why? I could picture the place seventy years ago, hear their voices, see them walking around, it all felt so real to me.

I'd think I'd like to go back there soon. And not to run, this time. But to take it in.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

about trust

So I recently read a devotion about trusting God and one of the big questions that it posed was, "Can I believe God loves me and not trust Him to take care of me?"

I mean, I say that God loves me, And I believe that. But if I believe that, then why do I still doubt that God will give me good things?

Around my age, people start to worry, about a lot of things. But mostly about their future. You know, what profession is the best for them, what will keep them happy and healthy, what will lead to success, I get worked up worrying that maybe I won't be able to do what I want, or that I'll fail to be smart enough or skilled enough to do something.

And a big problem I have is that I'll end up doing something I don't want to do with my life, but it will be what God wants me to do. You know?

Like what if God wants me to give up my dreams of being an actor or a guy whose job involves a lot of travel, or whatever; just because it's not part of his plan?

But if God loves me, and has my best interest in mind, would it make sense for him to give me a job that I hate? That doesn't really work, in my head.

If God loves me and wants the best for me, does that really involve something that will hurt me for a long period of time?

It could.

But in Matthew 7:9, it says "'Which of you, if his son asks for bread will give him a stone?'" If human people are able to take care of their children, why shouldn't God, who is all-powerful, be perfectly capable of taking care of me?

An all-powerful God who doesn't care enough about me to take care of me contradicts everything in the Bible, even the Bible itself, if you think about it. And a God who cares enough about me to take care of me but isn't powerful enough to do so doesn't match up with what the Bible says about God either.

Verse 10 and 11. "'Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!'"

If evil people know how to make their kids happy, then how about an infinitely holy being? Could he do it too?

Also, if you think about it, if God loves us so much that he's willing to give his SON for us, why wouldn't he give us a good gift that costs so much less?

We have to keep in proportion God's love for us and God having our best interest in mind.

Can I look at the sacrifice of Jesus and think to myself, God doesn't love me enough to take care of me?

And finally, the questions that we all have to answer is: Does God love me? Do I trust Him?

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Cross Country and Hosea

Hosea is basically a track record of how Israel doesn't stay loyal to God and how God demonstrates his enduring love and patience. Throughout this time period, Israel would turn to the Lord and then turn away over and over again, but God still watched over His people.

It was during this time also that God punished Israel for turning from Him. He allowed their enemies to wipe hundreds of their number out. He ditched them in battle. It wasn't long before many Israelites thought that God had forsaken them.

But in Hosea 6:1-3, something hit me.

"Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence. Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear;"

Reading these verses got me thinking. See, cross country season started recently and we've been running a lot, close to 6 or 7 miles a day. And as anyone who has done a sport seriously will tell you, when you exercise hard, you get sore, and your body is weak and you're incapable for some time.

When you exercise, you tear muscle fibers in your body, which causes the soreness. But after they heal, they come back bigger and stronger than they were before. God has "torn us to shreds but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds." and we will come back stronger than we were before.

In verse 2 it says, "After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us." This got me thinking. For all the times I have been sore, the soreness begins to wear off on the third day, but I wasn't sure if it was just me or anything, so I looked it up.

Yahoo answers says that it usually takes 72 hours to recover from 1 hour of proper hard-work exercise.

Hmm.

About.com says soreness is generally worst within the first two days following the activity and subsides over the next few days.

Interesting.

The Bible says that Jesus died and remained in the grave for two days but on the third day came back to life.

Huh. It might just be me looking too hard for meaning in this verse, but the whole deal about them being REVIVED after TWO DAYS and on the THIRD DAY being RESTORED that they may LIVE in his presence seems a bit familiar.

But not only does this passage tell us about how God will heal us, it also tells us that God will appear and meet us.

"As surely as the sun rises, he will appear;"

This passage doesn't just tell us that God will help us, but that when we return to him, he will meet us. He will heal us.

When God puts you through trials, like he did the Israelites, it is to strengthen you and sharpen you, so that you will come out of it bigger and better than you were before.

But sometimes God puts you through trials, like he did the Israelites, to bring you back to him.

See, Israel had pretty much come to the conclusion that God had abandoned them. God didn't care about his chosen people anymore, or whatever. What didn't cross their minds was maybe God was putting them through these trials to help them realize that they CAN'T DO IT ON THEIR OWN. So the only way to resolve this problem would be to DRAW NEAR TO HIM.

It's kind of crazy, but when I'm sore, I'm quite happy with myself. It means that my body has taken the kind of beating that will make it stronger. That's an accomplishment to me. I know that when the tissues are sewn back together, I'll be able to do greater things because I'm bigger and better than I was before.

And I guess I need to start applying this concept to my real life. When I'm having trouble in my life, I need to thank God and praise him for the hardships, because I know it is through this that I draw closer to him, and it is through this that my faith will grow stronger.

And because my faith is stronger, I'll be able to do greater things.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Eminem - Recovery

Eminem's new album, Recovery, came out recently. Actually, I'm listening to it right now as I type this.

Eminem really has come a long way. That's really the only way I can think to describe it. I mean, he was great, even amazing with his previous albums. However, they really don't compare to how good this new one is. Seriously, if you could choose one rap album to put on your iPod, this would be it.

I love how in "Beautiful," one of his first lines are "I might be done with rap, I need a new outlet." Slim Shady's sabbatical leave from music really hasn't brought him down at all. He left a discouraged artist, but all that really did was help feed an explosion that was bound to happen sooner or later.

This album, "Recovery," is that explosion.

With tracks featuring Rihanna, Pink, Lil Wayne and others, this release is the manifestation of Eminem's lyrical genius. To me, there is no other artist who has stepped up to the mic with the same insight and story-telling abilities as Marshall Mathers.

And as people hear him say "Imma be who I set out to be without a doubt undoubtedly and all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony," listeners will listen to his lyrics and find his story truly inspirational, regardless of musical preference.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEE
EEE
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EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEE
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EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeminem forever.